The return to norway

content/posts/2024-09-30-norway.md

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+---
+title: "The Return to Norway"
+date: 2024-09-30T12:38:07Z
+tags:
+- Identity
+- Travel
+- Norway
+---
+
+<p align="center">
+<img src="/images/norwegian_coast.jpg" alt="View of Oslofjord, on the Norwegian coast" width="1000">
+</p>
+
+Last weekend was the first time in over 16 years that I returned to Norway, my birthplace and the home of my father's side of the family. I don't have any good reason for not returning sooner, and even fewer good reasons since graduating from university. 
+
+As I prepared for the visit and reached out to family and old friends, I felt this internal resistance and sense of fear. But what was there to be scared of?
+
+It ultimately took talking it out with a few friends and writing this post before I recognized that it was partially, if not mostly, centered around personal identity.
+
+What one identifies with is quite personal but generally not all that mysterious. Most of us identify with the culture in which we were raised. This includes preferring the culture's food, speaking the shared language, celebrating the culture's important holidays—shallow cultural markers—and embracing and investing in the culture's religion and core values—deep cultural markers. 
+
+As much as I enjoy Norwegian food, as a vegan<sup>1</sup>, I can't consume the vast majority of it. And although Norwegian was my first language, after the age of thirteen, I hardly ever spoke it again and my ability to speak it has atrophied since to an embarrassing degree.
+
+When I returned to Norway, my implicit rejection of the shallow cultural values made it obvious to me, and surely to my family and friends, that I was not as "Norwegian" as my passport or my name might suggest. Or as "Norwegian" as I used to be.
+
+I was scared that I would be rejected or made to feel like an outsider. Whether this was a legitimate fear or not is beside the point; speaking to one's family in English instead of our native Norwegian is (and was) a little uncomfortable. 
+
+Ultimately, none of these fears came to pass, and I was welcomed home with open arms! 
+
+Now that I've had a few days to let the experience sink in, what did I learn, where does this leave me?
+
+First, learn from my mistakes, and don't let fear or discomfort stop you from rekindling old relationships<sup>2</sup>. I had plans to visit my sick grandma in Norway in 2015, only a mere seven years since my last visit, but by the time I finished my university quarter, it was too late, and she had passed away. I never had a chance to say goodbye. 
+
+I don't want any more such experiences. Sit with the discomfort of being reacquainted for but a moment, it's worth it.
+
+Second, Paul Graham wrote an essay in 2009 titled ["Keep your identity small"](https://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html), and I think about this essay quite often. For me, keeping my identity small means avoiding the trap of reflexively defending bad ideas or harmful practices because I identify with the group or individuals who promote them. 
+
+Norway—like all other countries and cultures—has many wonderful features, but I strive to evaluate each one as impartially as I can. Admittedly, this is a lot easier said than done, but it is also worth it.
+
+And third, shallow cultural markers are usually a lot more visible and therefore get more attention. Deep cultural markers on the other hand, are much more difficult to explicitly express, at least not without some expensive commitment.
+
+Have I made any expensive commitments that express a marker of some deeper value? Should I? And in which direction?
+
+These are questions I'm trying to answer but I believe it has something to do with having the courage to be an individual while remembering to that deep integration with family, friends, and the broadest possible circle of living creatures, is where the magic truly lies. 
+
+---
+
+<sup>1</sup> I care for the animals but reject "vegan" as an identity, for reasons outlined below.
+
+<sup>2</sup> Not all relationships are worth rekindling, but I would guess many more are than are not.