When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.
Chuck Norris does not use test-driven development. Chuck Norris always drives.
Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.
Chuck Norris' unit tests don't run. They die.
No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.
Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.
Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.
Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.
Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.
If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.
All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.
Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.
"It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.
Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.
With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.
For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).
Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.
No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.
Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.
Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.
Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.
If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.
Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry up.
Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.
Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.
Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.
Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit COMMIT in its end.
Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.
Don't worry about tests, Chuck Norris's test cases cover your code too.
Chuck Norris does infinite loops in 4 seconds.
Chuck Norris can access private methods.
Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.
Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.
The class object inherits from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.
Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.
Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
Chuck Norris can write to an input stream.
Chuck Norris can read from an output stream.
Chuck Norris pairs alone.